this set is being dumb and not showing up. what the fukk.
of mice & men. ♥
sometimes, i get into moods where all i want to do is sleep, because then non can hurt me & i can't feel any emotion. i just want to sleep and never wake up. honestly. i feel like life is just not worth it. you live every single day, trying to be happy. you have one chance. why only one? there are people who hurt you and people who leave. it's so stupid because either you live or you don't. that's all there is to it. what's the point of living when you're just gonna die anyway? i was seriously thinking this last night as i fell asleep. it's scary to think that all of this is real and half the time, all we do is cry and try to be happy when deep down we know we're not. i try so hard for soo many things, and in the next 10 years, it probably won't mean a single thing. i just wanna run away and live in the worlds i created, the worlds i write about when i feel alone, because this real world is nothing but bs. but no matter what, no matter who i see or what i think about, i just want to give up because it all seems too hard. i'm always the one hurt, holding back tears, and trying not to speak because i'm choked up. i'm always the one who takes all the pain i make everyone feel and take it out on myself by cutting. i'm always the one who loves more, is scaring of losing that one person more than they are scaring of losing me. which is understandable. i'm not much. just a girl with skin and bones, a heart and too many feelings that hardly anybody cares about. i can't tell anyone because all they ever do is tell me how good i have it or how selfish they think i feel. i'm not lying when i say i'd rather run away and forget anyone than have them all grow up and forget about me first. a boy in a town an hour or so away from me, killed himself on saturday because too much was going on. all these people were posting on his facebook wall about how much they loved him and all these nice things about him when he was alive. i just want to know if anyone would ever do that for me. i'm not perfect and i hate having to deal with all these expectations everyone always has for me. yes, i cut myself, and yes i skip meals, and yes i do NOT think i am good enough for anyone, but that doesn't mean i'm not trying. i'm trying soo hard to be perfect and to stop myself from feeling this way. but it's hard to stop myself when i'm trying on my own. i can't tell anyone in my family because they'll blab to my parents and i'll get yelled at for hurting myself.
now, damn. that sure felt good to get off my chest. i just need someone to talk to for once. someone who doesn't know me in person and will help me no matter what i look like, no matter what i've said in the past, no matter how much i weigh, or if you don't like me in general. i just need someone.
one of you, maybe?
@elizabeth-gillies-anon < now this is what i wanted to talk to you about earlier.
@swiftastical you help boost my self esteem.<3
@justin-bieber-anon94 you seem really sweet. k. c:
@shelbyox we don't talk much, but you're my friend.
thank you guize.
stay lovely. ♥
sorry for being such a downer. yeah well. i love you all. remember that. i'm too much of a wimp to commit suicide, so no worries. i'll be here when you all wake up in the morning.